Heartbreak

Today I have before me the very picture of living a heartbroken life. I see all the reasons her life lead to this point and I see myself in her. She chooses her path by following her broken heart. This heart was broken long ago at time when she could not protect it. It was broken by those who were the protectors. Instead she was caught in their wake of selfish lies and discarded along the way.

Now she tries to make her way unaware that the real heartbreak will never be healed. I have had similar heartaches, though not as pronounced. I sought comfort in similar places. I fought the same battles with my heart. I never won.

Instead I was saved. Christ sought me out and saved me. It was nothing I did nor did I know that I needed that saving. It has been a long road to today. I still feel the scars and deal with the consequences. But I no longer follow my broken heart. I pray the same for this girl in front of me.

To all who served.....

I say thank you.

I am daily reminded of your sacrifice and the lives you led without the luxury of technology, cell phones, and skype. You did it without great equipment or pay.



You did it knowing that many of you would not return home. You left knowing you would only be writing letters that would reach home after a month's journey.



Your children did not always know you when you returned. Parts of your life had moved on and still you served. Many will never fully understand all your sacrfices and that is okay.



So thank you from those of us who do understand in part. I know this not why you served but still we are grateful.

helping hands

Recently I have been witness to the offer of help and the giver of the same. I have also in the recent past been the receiver of such help. I remember when my middle son was hospitalized with a spinal infection and subsequent treatments at home for 6 weeks. We were locked in the house to prevent more infections, loss of sleep due to the IV medications, and fear if I didn't do my job he would die. That was alot to absorb and I still don't think I ever fully grasped what was going on. I was just trying to get through it and do what was set before me. I couldn't think about what we needed past the next 8 hours.

But there were many hands offering help. Genuine offers of sincere loving help and I had nothing for them to do. The help I needed couldn't be brought by distant friends. I needed someone to make a copy of me so she could run around and do everything. So I didn't have to tell her where to put the dishes or how that was supposed to work.

Have you ever considered how many people it would take to replace you? I did. It would take 6 people doing 6 different jobs to replace me. Mom, cook, cleaner, dog wrangler (we had 4), bookkeeper, nurse (I can change a bandage like no one else), and general manager of all activities. Maybe more. I am highly skilled apparently, or just very good at doing lots of things at one time. I am still deciding.

Turning down those offers made me feel guilty. It was difficult to simply say I don't need anything when I obviously did. I felt like I was lying. So I wonder what to offer when I offer help? A gift certificate to be used later when things are better? A meal but in containers that can be tossed (because who wants to do dishes)? I am stumped. I don't want to put more on the people by forcing them to say no but I also don't want them to think we are not willing to help or don't sincerely care.

Zach-Zach

He got the name after the fun character in "The Incredibles", Jack-Jack. He is my youngest of 3 boys. He was unexpected, only 15 months behind our middle son, but I knew he was exactly what God had planned. He is the one I understand least, even at the age of 3 (almost 4), I don't have a line on his soul and spirit.


My first son I connected with immediately. I KNEW him. He reflects me in many ways. My second son I immediately KNEW I was looking at his father. Zach appeared and I was confused.


I know you are thinking I am crazy. How can you possibly KNOW who a newborn is? How can you understand them and what they are thinking? Well I don't know but I did with those two. I DIDN'T with the third. He is definitely this amazing combination of both of us, a combination neither of us understand.

My love for him is unchanged, but my patience with him is regularly questioned. He refuses something he loved the day before. He screams when he can't get his pants on but refuses help. His recent assertion of independence is welcomed with the exception of the constant screaming (little girl ear piercing screams BTW). But then he climbs into bed with us EVERY night and refuses to fall asleep without me present. (Tried putting him back many times and I tell ya 3 am screaming is worse than day time screaming)

I pray I can be the Mom God needs me to be to him. I pray I can let him be the man God wants him to be. I pray that I don't ground him until he is 5 for all the screaming.

My life is amusing

to me and to others is seems. I didn't know it but folks are delighted at my status updates on Facebook. They think I am so clever and so funny, or so I am told. I cannot take credit however. These are my true sources of funny. They are delightful, imaginative, and pure boy.



Today, instead of making beds and tidying their rooms as they were told this morning they announced they were guinea pigs who build evil robots to take over the world. They spoke in guinea pig for a good 15 minutes then gave it up to give more specific robot building instructions.

I am often told boys are different than girls. I agree, don't you?

It's a new day....

sort of. So I have been busy, mentally busy that is, and unable to straighten my thoughts out long enough to put them down in the blog. If only there were some kind of mental iron, I would probably need the linen setting at this point.

I am trying to start a business and I feel so inadequate for the task. The door of opportunity has swung wide open and all I need to do is the work. My inner child is whining at the thought of all the work but I KNOW it should be done, needs to be done, and eventually will be done. Now to find a time-out chair for the inner child. I named her Amanda. I have known some whiny Amanda's in my life so it seemed appropriate. I apologize to the amazing non-whiny Amanda's out there.

So while Amanda is in time out I am going to do some research and work on a presentation. Then I will do laundry and go to the grocery store. It isn't even close to a glamorous life but it is blessed.

I am back.....

...maybe. Life has been blessedly busy. I remember last when DH was deployed and how desperately lonely I was everyday. It subsided as I made friends but that took months and months so most days were alone, most night were alone. I will never again complain about too busy. Too busy means you have a life. Too busy means you have friends and the biggest problem you have everyday is deciding what NOT to do so you don't overdo it.

Trust me, too busy is a blessing in comparison to too lonely. So hug your friends and family. Thank them for being a part of your busy life. They are a blessing from God. Enjoy every minute and don't worry so much about keeping up with the "things" around you.

Now I am off to QUICKLY tidy the house so I can have friends over tonight and get some quilting done. Before that I have to make phone calls, do some marketing for the biz, and maybe cook some dinner. Thank you, thank you, thank you, LORD for my busy blessed life.