Saturday, September 19, 2009

At least I am not Job (from the bible not a job)

...which you may have figured out but you never know.

This is what I tell myself when I have those "pity parties" I had in my last post.  At least I have not lost my entire family, property, and home and wish to wear sack cloth or whatever that was.  After all that I might feel the same way, abandoned by God, but I didn't come even close.  So why all the fits?  I will guess it is my greedy flesh thinking all things should be easy because afterall I am a Christian, right?  Okay, some of you can stop laughing hysterically.  I know the God does not promise an easy life, in fact He promises the opposite.  I lose site of those promises and the even better ones like nothing can separate us from Him no matter what happens.  Taking refuge in His infinite power, faithfulness, perfection soon sets everything back in order.  I just wish I could remember it before I look silly throwing my little tantrums, crying "this isn't fair!".

I was reminded of how much worse everything could be recently.  I have seen friends and family struggle with more difficult situations than mine.  Sickness and heartache top that list.  Some who deal with both, others who have more difficult times with one or the other than I.  Through it all they remain faithful and I pray I can too without too many stumbles.  I suppose the stumbling and coming back is what increases our maturity and faithfulness.  God allows it to happen for reasons I am unaware of but still it is to His glory, because all things are.

Well, now I am rambling but things are better.  It is getting better, again.  I don't know why God chose to put up with me, but He did.  Everyday I am reminded that I don't deserve His love and grace but I am delighted that nothing can take it away, not even my own sinful ways.

Monday, September 14, 2009


Sorry to yell online, but that is about all I have in me in this moment.  Why do I choose to blog then, you ask?  So I can feel like I accomplished something.  I don't know why, but today I have not felt at all like anything has been done.  When I list it all it sounds better but the feeling of accomplishment still evades me.  The kids are fed, clean, and generally happy. We practiced violin, delivered a TV to Raleigh that we sold on Craislist (2 hour roundtrip), did 2 loads of laundry, picked up the playroom that was destroyed this morning, and I will be putting together the quilt top for a class that starts tomorrow.  I still feel like NOTHING has been done today.

Does anyone else feel like this through their days?  I have 3 boys after all.  I would post pics of what they did this morning to their playroom but my photo programs for editing are all still messed up and I am new to the blogging thing.  DH always fixes stuff for me on the computer but being out of the country kills that option.  I would try to do it myself but I can see him cringing at that idea because almost always has to redo what I do or undo it.  He is picky so it is just easier to wait until he returns.  Of course leaving things undone adds to my general sense of out of control, nothing gets finished around here.

Perhaps it is because I feel like a traveling circus just moving from the house to the car.  Or like a clown car, as the insanity piles out when we stop.  While delivering the TV to the strange person I don't know, the kids get out of the car, baby falls down, crying, screaming...sigh.  I am trying to pay attention to the strange man, who by all accounts seems honest but still being careful regardless.  I have made all the appropriate calls, brought our big dog (90 lbs), and have told the kids to remain strapped in the van.  Well, the big dog freaks, as usual, at the site of the stranger and makes herself as small as possible on the floor of the van.  I don't even think he knew she was there.  Kids unbuckle while I try to help him inside with the very heavy TV, something I was trying to avoid.  Now I have to pickup the crying little one who is screaming by now, give a "you are in big trouble" look to the older two and try to finish this transaction.

Now I checked with the DH, who is by the way military police, with a lot of training.  I truly trust his judgement above anyone else when it comes to safety.  He is very suspicious of everyone and if it was legal to run background checks on everyone he encounters he would.  He said it was okay to do this.  Had he not I would have turned around, really.

Next time I get to Texas I am so getting my concealed carry and our next dog is going to be bigger than 90lbs.  I am thinking around 130lbs and completely black! Actually, we already picked out the breed.  I really want a Black Russian Terrier.  I wouldn't worry as much then.
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