Friday, January 29, 2010

Being the mother of little boys is not for the weak...

..when you are greeted like I was this morning.  I will spare you any photos and I apoligize in advance to any weak stomach readers.  Really, don't read further if you are easily grossed out.

From bed this morning, about 6:30 am, I hear "Ow, ow, ow, ow, Mommy, owie, owie, owie, help, help" in a little voice (not screaming) from my 3 yo in his room.  This can mean a variety of things because "ow" for him means anything that is currently touching him that he does not like.  The dog, his shirt, a booger on his finger, peanut butter, really anything, and it is my job to rescue him apparently.

So, "ow, ow, help, help, ow, owie, owie, Mommy, owie, ow, ow"...on and on and on.  I finally give in knowing it will never stop.

I will pause to say thanks for the ingenious little child proof door lock thingy that I put on the inside of their door.  It means they can't get out when I close it.  It keeps them in at night because if they knew they could get out they would and have, all night long, over and over again.  I like my sleep so I "lock" them in.  Trust me, I can hear them if they wake up.  Besides the 4 yo one can actually open it

Okay, I go in to their room to see my precious little baby with hands covered in POO.  His shirt too and the 4 yo explaining that he had a poopy pull up so he changed it.  Had the lock not been there, I would have had that all over me and my bed. 

We are currently in the process of fully potty training the extremely stubborn 4 yo who would rather pee in his underwear and put poo on the floor than be bothered to go to the potty.  So I took his pull ups during the day away and take him to the potty, all the time.  He has yet to do it on his own.  Really, he just runs around in pee underwear until I catch him and make him change.  I would rethink it and maybe he isn't ready but he is 4 1/2 yo.  Come on.

So the poo is on the floor, the 3 yo, the bed, various toys surrounding the poo, pajamas, and the 4 yo.  I would like to say this is the first time he has done it.  It isn't.  I would like to say that he is the only one in the house that I wake up to in this state.  NO, he isn't.

The dogs have greeted me with poo presents lately.  Normally they are very good about holding it all night.  Lately, since the Jack Russell Terrier moved in on the other side of the fence they are a little lax about getting the business done at night.  Instead they stand at the fence and bark at him.  I have had to rearrange our feeding schedule to earlier in the day which I don't actually have time for and forget quite often so they will poop earlier and not on my floor.

Well, I got it all cleaned up easily.  Why, because I know all the cleaners and have a STACK of cleaning towels.  I mean the stack you get at Sam's that no one ever uses unless they professionally clean.  I use them all the time.  Mine are NEON GREEN so I can find them in a poo emergency.

So, later as I am getting out of the shower I am greeted with the 3 yo running back into the bathroom with the plunger.  He was "working" on the toilet in the other bathroom.  I could tell.  It was dripping on my bedroom carpet.  This is also the toilet the boys use and don't always flush.  They didn't this time either.

It was at this point I realized today was going to be an off day.  Just one of those days that everything seems absurd and you are in the middle of it.

Well, I have some laundry to do.  I hope this story gives you peace and happiness that you are not me.  At least today.

Tomorrow they will do some brilliant and cute.  The 4 yo just came in to tell me his calculator is stuck in the neighbor's bush.  He said he got the calculator out of the tree.  Now I am curious what he means by calculator.  Off to the bush!

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