says Mary Poppins and the blissful state of happy childhood she projected over the screen. I had an Effanbee Mary Poppins doll as a child but I was not allowed to play with her. Mom bought us these dolls on our birthdays and Christmas then promptly put them behind glass to be adored from a far. That doll cabinet was cleaned out a few years ago by my sisters and I was sent my dolls, or what we could all remember being my dolls. I received 9 collector's dolls in perfect condition but most I could not remember being mine. There were a few I could have sworn were my sister's but 9 there were, and now I had to do something with them. For a few years they remained in the plastic containers they arrived in at my house at the top of my closet. I have 3 boys who showed no interest in them other than target practice. So I decided, finally to part with them as best I could. They would fetch no money on eBay or Craigslist so they ultimately went to a sweet little girl at church who had a sister. Of the nine, I decided to keep 2, one of those being Mary Poppins.
How far off was this image we all received as children of what our lives should have been, or at the very least how we were to be treated? I am in a current state of confusion about my childhood which is for another post, but it was not happy and I was quite depressed as a child. I have memories at the age of 5 wondering if anyone would notice if I lept off this bridge we were on while on vacation or if it would hurt to land next to the rusted out car smashed on the rocks below. My mom grabbed me of course and I don't think I was very intent on actually doing it. I was just checking to see if I fit between the bars when she noticed and we all left the bridge quickly after that. She was already afraid of heights and my little stunt convinced her she was well founded in her fear. There are more accounts of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts which I am certain are shocking for most to think a child so young had experienced.
I am now 34, not depressed and have the joy of Christ's love and forgiveness that sustains me. I am constantly reminded that I am not sufficient to do anything good or glorifying on my own. It is brutally obvious everyday that I require God's intervention on every aspect of my life to achieve any sort of life that can be measured as good. I will never achieve "Practically Perfect" but if I could then I would not require the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, none of us would. But we all do require redemption for our sins if we are to spend eternity in heaven and not in hell.
After many years, I am grateful for my Mary Poppins doll. I keep her in the top of my closet (for safety right now) so I can see her everyday as a reminder that there was only one perfect person ever to walk this earth and that person is not me. So I take refuge in my savior, Jesus, and rest on God's promises, knowing that I am such a weak and broken creature who does not deserve the blessings I have received. I am indeed very blessed.