Thursday, July 01, 2010

Parallel Lives

This is DH home on R&R last summer toward the end of a 12 month deployment

It became painfully apparent that I do not share all of my life with my husband. It is a hazard of military life. Between training, schools, long hours on post, and deployments we do not share our lives. I don't know how other families work together or how much they share. I have lived here in this house for almost 2 years. He has lived here for 8 months. I will be sad to leave it, very sad. I love our church, I love my neighbors and friends. They are like family to me in many ways. He still needs directions to get around town and could leave tomorrow if he needs to with no sadness except for maybe the stuff on post

This absence has gone on for most of our marriage. It is larger now that we are Army (Air Force does not know how good they have it). The training is longer, the deployments are longer, and the work days seem longer as well. But I have learned to keep moving forward, albeit slowly, with life and activities. I used to wait for DH to get home or a better time when we could all do it. I realized it was never going to happen. Nothing was ever going to work perfectly or be timed just right. The boys are getting bigger and we were all missing out. So we keep going.
. 2003 Deployment during our Air Force Years

The problem is that so is he. He does have a military life that we are separate from most of the time. We cannot understand. We simply can't. I have to accept that.

The way it seems to work for us though in somewhere at home. We rest in the knowledge that we are a family no matter what happens. We are here, at home, where ever that may be at the time. He knows we will be here waiting when he gets home. He knows what he is working for while he trains and takes tedious classes at bases far away. We are working at shutting things out to enjoy that time. We have to fight harder for that time that many families I see take for granted. We do not enjoy the familiarity of everyday routines with another person. I have to work at not resenting his laptop in my work area. I rejoice at times to have the extra laundry. It means he is home, for now.

We move forward, live our lives that we may glorify God, here and there. Some times together, many times apart. Moving, not on the same path, but still together.

Packing night for 2008 Deployment

Absence does make the heart grow fonder in some ways. In other ways it causes you to put up defenses because you know they will have to leave again. You learn to live with the pain, at least I try, so you can enjoy the moment. Because some times all you get is that moment.

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