My First Quilt Class

I took my first quilt class this last summer.  God answered my prayer of learning to quilt by putting me in a rent house we found online that happened to be next door to an expert quilter.  I have been hoarding fabric for over 10 years and slowing buying supplies, unwilling to give up hope that someday I would make a quilt.  It took me many months to get to know my neighbors.  I was overwhelmed with the deployment, the move, and having no friends.  I also decided to switch from the church we had first visited and joined when we arrived to one more suited to our family and beliefs.  That was difficult but a blessing and what led to the opportunity to have the quilt class.

This is Mildred and I at the end of the second class.  I gave this one to my oldest son who named it his "Blankie Quilt" and sleeps with it every night.  He begged for weeks for it to be done.

It was a passing conversation with my new friends at church and Mildred happened to be free for the summer class.  It was providential in so many ways and the blessings keep coming.  First, I am absolutely hooked on quilting.  "They" say you either get obsessed or forget about it altogether.  Well I am obsessed.  If I am not quilting I am looking at quilts, reading quilt blogs, pricing quilt tools online, and estimating how much cash I need to save up before I enter another fabric store.  I have to very seriously talk to myself about budgets and not spending more than I should when I need to go into a fabric store.  It goes something like this, "You need one thing, go fast, and get out.  NO you can't buy anything else just get it and get out.  You KNOW you will be so mad at yourself if you overspend...."  This dialogue keeps going in my head as I make my way to the cash register.

This is Rita's quilt, a wonderful little baby quilt.

Second, I have some wonderful friends from quilt class that I would not have been able to get to know as well in another setting.  I got to know Mildred 10 times better and I love that.  She is wonderful and supportive.  Always willing to come help me out of the mess I made of the quilt or the sewing machine.  I have learned so much from her and love to have such a wonderful neighbor.  She is also alone with her husband in a nursing home.  I feel so blessed to be able to support her when she needs it or help her lift something if needed.  Not that she needs it often.  She is seventy something and always goes.  I pray I will be that active at her age.  I pray I can be that active at my age!  She has been such a blessing from God.

I also was able to meet my new friend Jackie.  We mainly email but that is all we have time for.  Jackie has been a blessing from God in so many ways.  We both have been dealing with deployed husbands and have small children at home. I have 3 little boys and she has 5 (3 girls, 2 boys).  During this time we have both faced health issues that were daunting and still had to homeschool and maintain households.  We both think we did poorly but God had a plan in there somewhere.  Neither of us can see it yet but I know we both have faith that it all happened for God's glory.  We are both praying that the deployment stuff is over soon, at least in the short term.  In the mean time we email, a lot.

This is Regina and her cute quilt.  She gave her's as a gift to her mother and she loved it.

Third, it gave me a distraction I desperately needed this last year.  With DH gone I dreaded each night and I had something to occupy my mind.  Getting your points to match is a fantastic way to distract yourself from the nagging loneliness.

This is me, my first born on his first Christmas, my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother.  Aren't they lovely?

Finally, it has given me the inspiration to document my great grandmother's quilts and her story.  She is still alive and mentally present to convey her story.  I am so excited to find all her older quilts and preserve them for our future generations.  She started quilting over 80 years ago when she was 14 years old.  She lived through the depression and still loves to laugh.  I won't be able to get to Texas until May and have already started preparations to speak with her.  She doesn't do much but she is still able to live with her daughter and not in a nursing home. She is excited about the project as well and I can't wait to see her again.

Kenna's "I can't take Ragu anymore" Crockpot Tomato Sauce

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He made it home....

safe and sound!  DH made it home around 8 am Tuesday morning.  I had such plans to welcome him home after 11 months of Army food and desert air I thought I would do some special cooking.  I had planned brisket, mashed potatoes, green beans with bacon, and double chocolate pumpkin cheesecake.  All favorites and why would they not be favorites?!

Well, 5 pm the night before DS 2 was running a fever, then DS 3 started running a fever by 7 pm.  So my friend coming over that evening to help me cook and prepare was cancelled.  She has 4 kids of her own and I couldn't bear the thought of getting others ill for my convenience.  My other friend coming over to spend the night so I could meet DH on base at 5 am without waking up kidlets when he got off the plane was cancelled too.  By 11 pm that evening DS 2 threw up his Tylenol and his dinner which meant waking up DS 3 to change all the bedding.  At this point DS 3 is running 101 as well as DS 2, and DS 3 is not sleeping well at all.  By 3 am I finally decided to force motrin down the 2 year old and he falls asleep finally at 4 am.  Now I am a wreck and my husband who I have not seen since August and is coming home to stay will be home in a few hours.

I did get a message via another wife to let him know that we couldn't meet him so at least he wasn't looking for me.  But the idea that he was so close and I couldn't see him instantly didn't help my already sleep deprived mind.  So I got up at 7:15 and took a shower and tried to look as presentable as possible even though I knew he didn't care.  I cared!

Well, he got home and that is all that matters.  More later on how deployments remind me of pregnancy.  I never liked being pregnant.  I was miserable and sick the entire time.  Deployments really remind me of being pregnant.

What doesn't kill you...

makes you stronger?!  Who made this up?  This has got to be one of the most irritating statements you can make to someone in crisis.  This is one of the most irritating statements you can make to me.  What doesn't kill you makes you many things, and by default you grow stronger because you are not dead!

There are many things in the depraved sinful world that make you more mature, wise, with more highly developed defense mechanisms like sarcasm.  Is this what one would call stronger?  If that is the definition then I am a Super Hero because I am very sarcastic with a highly developed sense of distrust.  These are my instincts that have grow out of my tragedies and disappointments.  They leave me alone withy my criticism and dark nature to look at God's creation as something to be feared.

I think about this tonight as I wonder what all the military folks down at Ft. Hood are feeling and thinking.  What if that same thing happened on Post here?  How would I feel?  This event will not leave them stronger but simply traumatized.  Those who find themselves without God, without hope, without purpose, can see no greater glory in this event.  Some will see small blessings and second chances as they realize they had just been there or were running late because some fateful event stopped them.  Will they see God being glorified?  Will they praise Him in tribulation?  We are weak creatures and we are nothing without God.

Tragic events do not make us stronger.  They only illustrate our sinful foul nature.  I pray for those families tonight and for our soldiers still doing their work.  I pray they are comforted and for those who do not believe in Jesus I pray for their salvation.  Eternal hope is only found in Christ and we are no good without him, we are not strong.  Our strength is in Christ Jesus and in Him alone.

Practically Perfect in Every Way...

says Mary Poppins and the blissful state of happy childhood she projected over the screen.  I had an Effanbee Mary Poppins doll as a child but I was not allowed to play with her.  Mom bought us these dolls on our birthdays and Christmas then promptly put them behind glass to be adored from a far.  That doll cabinet was cleaned out a few years ago by my sisters and I was sent my dolls, or what we could all remember being my dolls.  I received 9 collector's dolls in perfect condition but most I could not remember being mine.  There were a few I could have sworn were my sister's but 9 there were, and now I had to do something with them.  For a few years they remained in the plastic containers they arrived in at my house at the top of my closet.  I have 3 boys who showed no interest in them other than target practice.  So I decided, finally to part with them as best I could.  They would fetch no money on eBay or Craigslist so they ultimately went to a sweet little girl at church who had a sister.  Of the nine, I decided to keep 2, one of those being Mary Poppins.


How far off was this image we all received as children of what our lives should have been, or at the very least how we were to be treated?  I am in a current state of confusion about my childhood which is for another post, but it was not happy and I was quite depressed as a child.  I have memories at the age of 5 wondering if anyone would notice if I lept off this bridge we were on while on vacation or if it would hurt to land next to the rusted out car smashed on the rocks below.  My mom grabbed me of course and I don't think I was very intent on actually doing it.  I was just checking to see if I fit between the bars when she noticed and we all left the bridge quickly after that.  She was already afraid of heights and my little stunt convinced her she was well founded in her fear.  There are more accounts of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts which I am certain are shocking for most to think a child so young had experienced.

I am now 34, not depressed and have the joy of Christ's love and forgiveness that sustains me.  I am constantly reminded that I am not sufficient to do anything good or glorifying on my own.  It is brutally obvious everyday that I require God's intervention on every aspect of my life to achieve any sort of life that can be measured as good.  I will never achieve "Practically Perfect" but if I could then I would not require the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, none of us would.  But we all do require redemption for our sins if we are to spend eternity in heaven and not in hell.

After many years, I am grateful for my Mary Poppins doll.  I keep her in the top of my closet (for safety right now) so I can see her everyday as a reminder that there was only one perfect person ever to walk this earth and that person is not me.  So I take refuge in my savior, Jesus, and rest on God's promises, knowing that I am such a weak and broken creature who does not deserve the blessings I have received.  I am indeed very blessed.

Hello Brain

Good Morning!

Well I finally got my brain back and my body, I hope.  This is the first day in MONTHS I have felt like I am worth a "hill of beans" much less like a functioning mommy.  But I have gotten chores done this morning that usually take me all day and still have energy left to finish the day.  The lesson I have learned, always get your sleep.

My weakness at night right now is online TV.  I know this is a weakness so I cutoff our cable 9 months ago or I would most definitely not get off the couch.  I also only allow myself to watch while sitting in an uncomfortable chair in front of the computer.  This keeps me from staying too long, at least I like to think so.  But my backside surprises me how long it can sit in an uncomfortable chair just to get a little peace and quiet.

This is the time of night that I should finish my chores and go to bed but I am reluctant.  That bed is so gosh darn bare without the DH around.  I don't like to get in unless I am passing out on the pillow so I wait until my tush can't take it and my eyes are closing on me.

My other distraction at night, I am ashamed to say, playing my son's computer game.  You know the kind where you build a colony and an army then attack the enemy colonies.  I am doing really well.  I have a Level 35 home city.  It took me months to get there.  Of course this started because DH wasn't around to help him learn his new game so I had to figure it out so I could teach him.  Then he wanted me to play for him to win his games.  Then he wanted to watch me play to learn.  Now we take turns.  The things a mom will do?!

A brief moment

Well a quick update - I may or may not have some virus that will not go away.  This could range from Mono to Epstein-Barr.  This also explains why I have not been blogging.  Apparently fighting a virus takes all my words away.  I pray for quick healing because everything has been put on hold and I am a little cabin feverish along with my boys.  I am going for bloodwork today so hopefully it will all be more clear what I am to do.

The boys are really anxious to watch the blood being drawn.  Boy 1 (6 yrs old) wants to know if they are going to use leeches to get it out.  The finer points of contamination and the more specific uses of leeches was then discussed.  He still wants to see the leeches though.  Well off to get partially dressed because I am too tired to take a shower.